the good wife.

Several months ago, I came across a blog about the model woman by a graduate of George W. Truett Theological Seminary named Christina Gibson. In her blog, she writes about her perspective on Proverbs 31. She goes on to share her experience "idolizing a contextual poem" and how it should not be a template for women. You can read her blog here: http://christinagibson.wordpress.com/2013/04/05/the-lie-of-the-model-woman/.

Being the egalitarian that I am, even to the point of feminism sometimes, I agree with most of what Christina Gibson writes about. I do believe that Proverbs 31 has been idolized by many women and I thought that it was interesting to read about how she saw the capable wife's worth was based on what she produces.

As a result of this blog, I reflected on the lives of the wives in the church that I grew up in. Being raised in an Indonesian church, I have seen many examples of whom people consider the "model wife." For Indonesians, the model wife is submissive to her husband, serves her family first, is diligent in her work, and is the glue which bonds the family together. Her worth is also in what she does and what she provides. If the woman is not able to produce much, she seems utterly worthless. I think that my Asian culture does have it wrong. Although I believe that living a righteous and godly life will produce good fruit, our worth should not be placed on the product of our work, but our heart. People look at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart, and that should be the standard of our worth.

I have realized that although my works are important, it should not define me. In the same way, I hope that my future wife will see that she is worth so much more than the things her hands produce. Although I want her to work well and be motivated to serve in her ministry and in her career, I hope that she will realize that I will love her for who she is. She does not have to prove herself for me to love her, but instead she will be a capable wife because she loves me and her family. It is her love that will compel her to do good works. It should not be that her works will compel her to be loved. Now, this might be my Americanized logic speaking, but then again, I am Asian American.

Good Grief

My classmate, Ally, recently wrote a blog about grief and the laments present in the book of Psalms. Ally says that the American culture is terrible at grieving, noting how us Americans busy ourselves with errands and work. As a result, Americans tend to other outlets, such as bumper stickers and tattoos, to grieve the loss of their loved ones. The link to her blog is as follows: http://allymatteson.blogspot.com/2013/06/a-grief-unobserved.html.

Reading Ally's blog has made me reflect upon my own experiences with grief. Although I have had relatives and grandparents pass away, I was not deeply affected by this because I hardly knew them. So, I will be reflecting upon my observations of friends and family and their dealings with grief. In the Indonesian culture, there seems to be a very communal dealing with grief. The outlets of bumper stickers and tattoos are foreign to me, and as I think upon that, I realize that those methods of grief are very individualized. They share with the world who they have lost, but they won't necessarily invite others in to grieve with them.

Unlike the American culture, in my Indonesian culture, one is not expected to go through grief alone. Just like some of the psalms of lament are communal laments, Indonesians tend to grieve together in community. I remember when my grandfather passed away, my mother and her sisters grieved together. They would reflect on their past together and help each other remember that their father is now with the Lord. In these times of grief they would also lift up each others spirits, joking around to spread some joy in the midst of their loss. Whenever my uncle passed away from cancer, my aunt led her children to grieve for their father. My aunt did not take my uncle's death lightly, and therefore she would bear the responsibility of saying "no" to parties and declining invitations to family reunions because the pain of her loss was too strong. She would also not permit her children to attend these parties and reunions because they were to grieve together as a family. Everything was done in community which makes the burden lighter to bear. I think that there's a comfort in knowing that others are willing to walk alongside you in this journey of healing and that there is a strength in the encouragement of others to push you forwards in life.

The Asian F

So, you've probably heard of the Asian F, but let me give you my perspective. To some parents, an "Asian F" is a B while to others it is an A-. For most Asian parents, a C is punishable by death, so let's not imagine what a real failing grade would equate to. My parents did not care if my brain was more inclined to do mathematics or art, I was expected to do it all excellently. A well-rounded individual did not mean being mediocre at all things, but instead meant that I had to do it all well. I was expected to be both mathematician and artist, both linguist and physicist. After all, they did not sacrifice everything they had to come here to America for me just to be "good" at something. After a while I started to adopt this exceedingly high standard as my own, wanting to be the best at everything.

Since my parents are Christians, I was practically raised by the Bible. The character that they would most often refer to was Daniel. Because I aspired to make my parents proud, I often caught myself looking up to Daniel. First of all, Daniel was a sort of prodigy. He was chosen to serve King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon because he was handsome, well versed in wisdom, had exceeding amounts of knowledge and was very insightful (Daniel 1:4, NRSV). Then, he was taught the literature and language of the Chaledeans and obviously excelled in that since Daniel 1:20 says, "In every matter of wisdom and understanding concerning which the king inquired of them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters in the whole kingdom." Daniel was obviously amazing at what he did. He would be the kind of boy that every Asian parent would want. So what was Daniel's secret? According to Daniel 6:3, Daniel "distinguished himself above all the other presidents and satraps because an excellent spirit was in him" (NRSV). So, I guess the key to a child's success is an excellent spirit. Not only stressing excellence in one subject, but being excellent in all things. I think that Daniel believed in the Asian F. If it wasn't excellent, it wasn't Daniel's.